I grew up in a small town in Alabama, in the early 80s. TV and movies during that time period weren’t exactly representative of my hometown. The Hank Williams, Jr. song “A Country Boy Can Survive” is a more accurate description of Livingston, Alabama. I mean this in the most endearing way. I was taught to say sir, ma’am, mr. and mrs. We believe it’s the right thing to do. When referring to other families there was a salutation hierarchy. The Smiths, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Mr. John and Ms. Nancy… that’s how it worked. There were a few exceptions. If there is a doctor, then the masculine or feminine is replaced with Dr., but rather than using Dr. John the name would always be Dr. Smith. If the doctor is a close family friend, he’d likely just be called Doc. Finally, if the person is a teacher or someone else of high respect, he or she is always referred to as Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. When visiting family in the north, I noticed there wasn’t as much use of salutations. I remember cousins calling my dad Danny, and my mom Deloris. It still seems surreal.
Pensacola, Florida is home now. America, as a whole, is greatly different than just 30 years ago. I want to know what you think of Mr. and Mrs. Think of someone you admire or look up to. If you met this person, would it be a Mr. or Mrs. Lastname? My wife and I are teaching our son to say sir and ma’am, etc. What do you think of this tradition?
Not sure if this is because I’m a transplanted Yankee or maybe I ride the fence on what generation I belong to (being all of 42), and I know some will obnoxiously say it’s because I don’t have children, but I still get a start when I’m addressed as “Mr. Rust” – I turn around and look to see if my Dad is in the room somewhere.
When we moved to Pensacola 4 years ago, I was speaking with the secretary at my school on the first day of work. I said, “Do you think that Larry [the principal] would…” and she interrupted me by saying, “Oh, let’s get this out of the way now: We address each other as ‘Mr. ________’ and ‘Ms. ________’ but we do not go around calling folk by their first name. We show each other respect.”
It was quite a surprise, and one I still go through routinely. I’m very laid back about titles. I do agree that they ought to be taught to children, practiced, and used. How far do I think we go with it? Not sure. But accent (or lack of one) aside, I have been told, “You a Yankee, eh?” after addressing someone of “higher rank” by their first name. I don’t go out of my way to try and be disrespectful by using first names, but I think respect comes in many forms.
Kudos to you and your wife for continuing a “tradition” that is sorely lacking in today’s world! I still say “yes ma’am” to any lady regardless of age. Keep up the great work blogging and passing on traditions of respect.
TOTALLY important!! My children will learn manners and respect. As they go into the world they can learn to gauge reactions and salutation in appropriate situations. But respect should always be the first inclination.
Scott, I don’t disagree with you. We have a different way here in the south. I tried really hard growing up to avoid the small southern town accent. I can understand calling one another Mr. or Ms. at school. This keeps the children from being tempted to call you Scott in class and losing respect for you and the position.
Craney, I use sir and ma’am all the time… it just comes out, naturally, and I’d like the same for my kids.
Ashley, yep, there are situations where it’s not appropriate. If the person doesn’t want to be addressed as Mr. or Ms. then don’t. It feels odd though, at least the first few times.
Thanks for stopping by, y’all!
I still use sir & ma’am, even to those Jr to me. Doesn’t hurt a thing to show someone a little respect. My kids, in my company at least, do the same. Nice to see some of you young folk still have manners…lol
Good for you, Dan. Great values. I was brought up that way too. Friends parents and elders were referred to as Mr and Mrs last name, or if they were family friends Auntie and Uncle so and so. In fact in Singapore older people are referred to as Uncles and Aunties, as that is a form of respect. In fact I was brought up to call my older sister and brother Tcher and Kor, which means big sister and big brother. In schools here, students have to call their teachers sir or madam. So when I went to a liberal Oregon high school where teachers expected me to call them by their first names, that’s just something I could not do.
Absolutely important. I can’t imagine not using Mr., Mrs., Sir or Ma’am.
My family and I are lax about it now that I am older however, I was raised to give respect to anyone, regardless of age.
My dad’s famous line was always “Did you forget my last name?” if I forgot to end with “Sir”.
I’m happy to hear there will be more respectful children in Pensacola because we sure need them.
Mr. Fugate,
I was raised on the same values as you and in the same small town as well, lol. I always use sir, ma’am, Mr. & Mrs. on a daily basis still to this day. I was told countless times from my dad how many times people stopped by his office to tell him how nice his kids were in using correct salutation. Not only did this make me feel good that my people were appreciative of it but it also made my dad beam with pride knowing that he raised his sons correctly or as close to it as he could, lol. I will teach my kids the same thing because I think it teaches them good manners here in the south and everywhere else for that matter. Even if they do not use this in the north maybe we can start a tradition there as well and it will eventually catch on. Thanks for creating this site and I look forward to reading more of your work.
First off, I can’t believe I didn’t see the comments from May 4th. Sorry, y’all. Chas, young folk, Ha! Dave, I can’t imagine calling a teacher by his or her first name… at least as a kid. There were a few Dr.s while working on my master’s degree who insisted I call them by their first name. We were pretty close in age, so I didn’t seem so awkward. Cricky, there will be at least two kids in Pensacola who will know there are only two important last names, sir and ma’am.
Bryan, how’s it going, man? It’s been a while. Yeah, my mom and dad always were so proud when people would mention my manners. I wanted to make them proud, and as a result, I ended up treating people well and with respect. I’m glad you stopped by. Read around, you may or may not learn some stuff about me and the little town where I grew up.
Dan