People generally think of communication simply as establishing rapport and talking. While this is partially true, the real essence of communication is much more than that. According to William Issacs’ book Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together communication involves, among many other things, listening, respecting, suspending and voicing. These four fundamentals are key to the way that I perceive communication. The most important among them, to me, are listening and respecting.
Listening allows us to better understand the other person; and, in doing so, helps us to better understand ourselves. I have been a listener for as long as I can remember. It began a long time ago, in high school, when my opinions didn’t matter to other people. I was in the shadows and the people who were in the light wouldn’t hear my voice so I just listened to theirs. What I found was that these people didn’t have anything to say. They were lacking in dialogue. Rather, they were merely exchanging monologues. What appeared to be communication between two or more people was just not real. There was no intellectual respect among them and, as a result, dialogue failed.
Respecting is equally as important as listening, if not more so. It doesn’t matter if you’ve listened to the other person if you don’t respect their opinion. There is, however, a strong difference between respecting an opinion and agreeing. In fact, disagreement creates even more discussion and opportunity for dialogue and debate.
Throughout the last few months we, as a group, have learned to better listen to and respect one another. I believe that there may be a few people who began this semester in a similar mindset as those people from high school. For many people, not being able to listen is not necessarily a choice but a lack of understanding of their mindset. They believe themselves to be well rounded communicators; ignorant of their actual situation.
These communication errors occur in all types of organizations from schools, and businesses to social groups and sports teams. Teachers, bosses and team leaders too often find themselves mired in their beliefs and doctrine and fail to listen to the people around them. This leads to a failure in communication and it can eventually lead to the failure of the entire organization.
Communication is the key that will unlock all doors; even those that we don’t know exist. Without communication, real and true communication, we are all doomed to fail, eventually.
Dan,
Nice job. I wish I wrote so well.
I find that the two biggest obstacles to communication are actually listening, and comprehension. Many might hear what you say, but are already thinking of the response before you finish. Or simply pick and choose what they want to hear, which has no recognizable translation to what you actually said.
Beer is good, God is great…and people are crazy.
chas
” Many might hear what you say, but are already thinking of the response before you finish.”
very well said, sir. I have run across this a lot in my life. I’ve been very guilty of it myself as well. It’s something I used to have to actively work on and now it’s much easier…although I still do catch myself doing it as well. It’s nice to see when others recognize it as well.
Chas – Exactly. That’s what I meant when I said they were exchanging monologues. I’m glad we’ve both seen and recognized this.
Thanks for reading and commenting.