Beheading the Boss

It had been eating at me for some time.  As the department manager I had heard and knew that there were major budget cuts coming up at work.  The state and federal government had been drastically decreasing the amount of funding available to people with disabilities.  It began with a reorganization of the funding structure.  Suddenly many families were forced to choose between this service and that.  If a person had been receiving funding for employment services, transportation and supported living they were looking at possibly having to discontinue one or more because there was no money available to pay for the aid.

The Employment Services department, the department that I managed, was filled with people who were bright enough to see what was coming. I was in meetings with my supervisors almost daily regarding budgeting.  We were brainstorming ideas, trying to figure out ways that we could absorb the shock of the impending funding cuts and still keep our employees.  After every meeting I faced questions from my staff: “Should we be looking for work elsewhere?  Is someone getting laid off?”  I tried to reassure everyone that we were doing all that we could to keep all staff employed but no amount of smiling and positive talking could convince them that I was doing all that I could to keep them employed.

The first person that I had to lay off was the department administrative assistant.  I called him into my office and shut the door.  I could see it all over his face.  He knew what was about to happen.  As he began to sob I told him that it was not for performance that we were having this conversation and I didn’t enjoy telling him any more than he enjoyed hearing it.  “You had to have known.  Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he said as the tears were streaking down his face.  The truth was that I had only found out the afternoon before when the director of the agency came to speak with me.  We sat in my office for over half an hour discussing his options and allowing him to regain his composure.  I asked him if he wanted to let the rest of the staff know about his being laid off or if he wanted me to do it.  He opted to speak with his soon to be former coworkers himself.

Like a virus on a doorknob it began to spread.  There were constant rumblings of “Who will be next?”  In light of the way that I was informed of the assistant’s layoff I was having a hard time being positive but it was my responsibility so I forged ahead.

I listened and observed as much as I could what was going on around me in the office.  Since the layoff my work load had increased as I had taken over most of the administrative duties so that my staff could spend as much time being productive and hopefully securing their jobs.  This kept them out of the office and gave ample opportunity for the disease of distrust to spread.  I began hearing little tidbits here and there that were pointing toward one person in particular who was acting as incubator for this virus.

One afternoon we were the only two people in the office.  I went to this person and we had a discussion.  I emphasized that whatever was happening was out of any of our control.  I let the person know that I’d even offered to resign as manager if it would save enough money to keep all of the remaining staff employed.  Most importantly, I tried to put an end to the negative talk.  Whatever was going to happen was beyond either of us and we needed to continue doing our job.  This person knew that negativity spreads rapidly.  That was the reason for their action.  There was an “If I’m miserable and afraid, then you will be too.” mentality.

Over the coming weeks there were several more layoffs.  I knew that whenever the director of the agency came to my office it was for one of two things; either she wanted me to lay someone off or she wanted to add to my responsibilities to make up for a layoff in another department.  The outlook was grim.  I knew it and morale had dropped to nearly none.  Each time I had to lay someone off I was only informed the afternoon before and I had to have that dreaded closed door conversation.  My resolve was no longer fading; it had vanished.

Then one afternoon my immediate supervisor came to my office.  She was the most gracious and helpful person that I’d ever worked for.  She truly cared about her work and the people under her direction.  With a shaking voice and tears welling in her eyes she told me that she was leaving the agency.  All hope that I had for any sort of job security had been closed behind a reinforced door.   This came as a shock to her, to me and to my dwindling staff.  Security was completely gone and was replaced by a feeling of nakedness.  We could all see our imperfections and tried to cover them so that they wouldn’t be noticed by the executive director and governing board.

These challenges were faced head on and the reorganization continued.  Eventually the inevitable happened; my department was combined with another and I too was laid off.  I was proud, however, because I knew that I had done the best for my staff and for myself that I could.  I’d tried to eliminate negativity but there was too much of it for me to conquer.  I led by example but ended up being made an example that no matter how strong the shoulders the neck is still exposed and at risk when being stuck out.